I blame my mother! About 40 years ago she introduced me to the concept of unconditional love – attached to a tail. I don’t remember ever not having a pet. First there was our childhood dog Rebel. He was supposed to have been a cow dog, but wasn’t smart enough to know what end of the cow you were supposed to bark at when trying to bring them up to the barn for milking. He was, however, smart enough to know that he wasn’t allowed out on the road. So instead he would squeeze through or climb over fences to following us inside the fields as my brother and I walked or rode our bikes on the road. He followed us everywhere! He would even sit in the snow for what seemed like hours watching us sled or ice skate. He was also smart enough to save us from some situations that we were convinced were life threatening. I was in 8th grade when Reb developed cancer and I’ll never forget how empty the foot of my bed felt when he no longer joined me during thunderstorms.

Then there was Shane our Siamese who counseled me through my teenage years. She always seemed to know when something was bothering me and never minded when I cried onto her fur! She woke me up every morning for school by crying at the bottom of the stairs. My mother later told me that we would cry at the stairs so much that she would sound almost horse after I left for college.

That’s why it’s my Mother’s fault that I’m now taking on the care of a second diabetic animal. My husband and I have now spent more than what I used to pay a month on my first car on a 10 year old cat! And that’s just the beginning of the expenses and time commitment. I started giving him insulin shots this morning which means that I will be up, even on my days off to give shots at 4 in the morning! Yes I do think I’m a bit crazy, but how can I look into that face and say “sorry you’re not important enough to me to make the effort to keep you alive.” After all he has kept us in supply of mouse, chipmunk and mole carcasses for a decade!

Whenever we lose a pet I have always told my kids….it’s the risk you take….you can never go through the pain of losing an animal you love, but you give up the wagging tails when you get home, and the meows and the purring of unconditional love. So which would you rather be without? I guess that’s what I’ll remind myself of this weekend when I roll out of bed to find the syringe and bottle of insulin. Hopefully I’ll buy myself a few more years of Kit-Cat love!

Why I LOVE baseball!

It was 1998….

…the summer that Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa captured our attention with their efforts to beat Roger Maris’ single season home run record. My daughter was only 2 at the time, but even she knew who “Mark DeDwire” was.

…it was the summer that my son Casey caught his first fly ball in left field.

…the summer that Casey had memorized and could recite all of the stats for his favorite baseball players.

…it was the year that I woke up every Saturday and Sunday morning to the sound of some baseball game on the Nintendo 64.

….the year that Casey didn’t quit hitting and pitching in the front yard until all of our baseballs disappeared into the snow.

…that fall that we watched El Duque’s high leg kicks in his pitching windup that led the Yankees to a World Series Championship against the San Diego Padres.

….it was the year that both Casey and I decided that the Yankees would be “our team”

…it was the year that I fell in love with baseball

In the years that have passed there have been difficult times in my relationship with my son, there have been arguments, worry, disappointments and tears – lots of tears….but there was always baseball. No matter how mad we might have been at each other, we could always sit down and watch a game. Or when his social life became too busy during the high school years to actually watch a game, we still had something to talk about.

The summer of ’08 was not a good one for Yankee fans; in fact it was a horrible season as we failed to even make the play-offs for the first time years. But even the losing season gave me something to write about as I struggled to pump out at letter every day just to make sure that he never went to boot camp mail call without walking away with at least one letter.

This year though – this year has been amazing. Our team marched through the season to the World Series as if it were their destiny. It was an awesome game last night, the best part though was when my phone rang at 11:46 and I heard his voice say “Are you watching Mom? Are you watching? This is gonna be it – it’s the last out” I stayed on the phone with him for the whole 4 minutes of Shane Victorino's last out and then we whooped and hollered until he said “now go to bed, you’ve got to get up early tomorrow”

But as I laid in bed and tried to relax enough to sleep, it occurred to me……even though he’s 4 thousand 4 hundred and 28 miles away…..and even though it’s been 11 months and 2 days since I’ve seen him….I was still able to share last night’s world series championship with my son.

So find some way, some topic to connect with your kids. You may find it in the most unlikely subject – but find it. I can’t even put into words what it meant to know that when that last batter was standing at home plate – it was me that Casey called – it was me that he chose to spend that moment with.

And that is why I LOVE baseball!!

Military Moms feel every loss!

I was once just like most of you. I would quickly pass over the stories of lost service members in the paper….thinking that if they weren’t area losses then they really didn’t affect me. But I can’t do that any more. And I think it makes those close to me uncomfortable when I speak of such things, or when I cry about a loss in Iraq or Afghanistan…..you don’t know what to make of such emotions because they are so foreign to you. So I’m going to try to explain them to you.

As a Military parent I am often told to thank my son for the service to his country and that his sacrifices are appreciated. And while all of those who sign up to serve do make great sacrifices, what you may not realize is that their families make sacrifices too. There are few experiences outside of the military where you will go weeks or months at a time without even hearing your child’s voice. Many of us will get together with family over this holiday weekend….in our family we will celebrate the multitude of September birthdays, including my own, but no matter how many of us are there, my thoughts are always on the one member who is not there – my own son the Marine. And while I am very grateful that he has not been deployed to the sands – he is still 44 hundred miles away and it has now been 8 months since I have been able to hug him. Even a year and a half after he left home I am still frequently overwhelmed by how much I still miss him. But I will see him soon, unlike the family of Lance Corporal Joshua Bernard, whose ultimate sacrifice is reported in this morning’s paper.

You probably don’t realize that as a military parent I now feel each and every loss of a service member. Obviously not as fully as their own family, but for me, as a member of the Marine family. I know that that loss is felt immensely by each and every Marine in his unit, because I know that from their very first day of boot camp those Marines are taught that even more important than getting yourself out of a combat situation is getting the guy next you out and home safely. I know that each and every Marine is considered a brother to his fellow Marine even if they have never met. I know that Marine Mothers share a bond because we know what it’s like to miss our children and worry about them, and know that those with deployed children face the fear everyday of a government car pulling in to their drive. We live by the phrase “no news is good news.”

And while I’d love for you to from this moment forward read each and every story about our fallen hero’s, I realize that’s asking a little much. So maybe just acknowledge our sacrifice occasionally, ask us how our kids are doing – we love to brag on them – and maybe just give us a hug when there’s been another loss, and realize that there is a price being paid for the freedoms that you are enjoying, realize that it can’t always be someone else’s son.

Hair Issues

Okay so this is one of those very important issues that I’m sure men don’t ever fret over. I’m trying to change the direction of my hair. I have worn my hair off to the right side of my head for …..A few years now. Okay so it’s been since college nearly 2 decades ago. But lately I’ve notice that my hair is a bit thinner on left side of my forehead – you know the area right at the center of the current “part.” So I’m thinking maybe too much direct blow drying and curling have caused damage to that particular area and it’s time to give it a rest. So flip sides, not big deal right. Oh my gosh it’s like trying to corral a 2 year old on caffeine! It just doesn’t want to “go” on its own, but I can get it there with a few squirts of super hold hair spray. The problem comes later in the day when I do my typical I’m frustrated/I’m tired fingers through the hair routine…..which I always forget and push it the wrong way! And seriously I think I look off center. The things we do to try to look good. Maybe I should just fall back on the 80’s middle part feathered hair – remember that. Or maybe I should just go back to my norm and embrace my bald-spot; guys do it all the time right????

I realize that I'm WAY overdue for an update here - things have just been so crazy lately! So here's the last few months in a nutshell.....

December brought a diabetes diagnosis for our Dalmatian, Sparky. Casey was 8 and Sami just barely 2 when we brought him home and he has always been the sweetest dog, so this was particularly heartbreaking. I promised Casey that I would do whatever I could to keep him alive until he arrived home on the 19th. So I gave him twice daily insulin shots, even getting up early on the weekends to make sure he was taken care of. He did make it until Casey arrived home, but quickly went down hill and we had to have him put to sleep on the 23rd. I stayed with him until the end, and cried myself to sleep that night. I still miss him very much.

The following morning on my way to work I ran into some of that great ice/slush mix on the interstate and wrecked my vehicle - for the first time in my life. I did it well though, spinning and then rolling down an embankment! Luckily I suffered only a cut to my finger and some lingering back and shoulder pain. My pretty little car wasn't so lucky though. It was my "reliving my early years" car - and orange Chevy Cobalt, 5 speed - very fun to drive. Her name was Sunny and I cried when I left her at the tow lot. I've returned to safety and adulthood, trading the sports car for a crossover SUV. I lost about 5 mpg - which will hurt when gas prices go back up, but in exchange I got more metal surrounding me and a LOT MORE airbags!!

Casey left for Hawaii on January 2nd all full of the swagger that so many Marines carry, ready to begin his job as a Crash Rescue Firefighter, loving what it meant to be a Marine. We quickly learned that although it's "not allowed," hazing was alive an well on his base and being only 1 of 2 new members of the crew - he was a walking target. Finally after about a month of BS that was brought to an end. Things are better for him, but the whole experience leaves a bitter taste. I had read so many honorable things about the Marines and was so proud that my son chose to join in the tradition of Courage, Honor and Commitment - boy was I disappointed. I don't wear my "Marine Mom" label quite as proudly anymore. I'm hoping that will change - we'll see.

On a more positive note, we did bring a new member into our family. My daughter had been bugging us for a new dog since we lost our little house dog about a year ago, and with the loss now of Sparky we gave in. Our new baby is a Shih-Poo name Sebastian. He's mostly black with a white crest on his chest, and gray paws and face. He is adorable and has been a big bright spot in our lives. You do sometimes wonder after going through the lose of one dog why you would opt to go through that again - but as I have reminded my daughter - you can choose to save yourself the heartache and not let a pet into your heart, but then you miss out of so many memories. And you just can't beat the unconditional love. What would my day be like without those wagging tails to greet me when I walk through that door!!

I'll try to stay more on top of this in the coming days!

I find myself these days often thinking back to Thanksgiving 19 years ago. I was pregnant then which allowed me to eat all I wanted to without guilt - it was a good year! 3 days later Casey arrived. Since that year his birthday and Thanksgiving have intersected several times as it will again this year.

I'm not so sure this will be as good of a year. It will be the first time I will sit down for Thanksgiving dinner without Casey at the table and the first time that I won't get to celebrate his birthday with him. I am glad that he won't be alone on this day though. His father is flying out today to San Angelo and they'll be having dinner with several of the other Marines still on base.

It still felt strange though to not celebrate his birthday with someone - so yesterday I grabbed a box of Cookie Cottage cookies and headed over to the Marine Corps Recruiting Office. When I first walked in the door I told them I could really be mad at them for making me spend the holiday without my son, but I decide to thank them instead. I thanked them for helping my son to become the man I always knew he could be.

Even during the most challenging days with Casey there was always that little glimmer of the amazing person inside him. And that was what kept me going sometimes. In the last 6 months I have watched that glimmer emerge. It is now a bright and shinning beacon and I couldn't be more proud. The transformation Casey has made in the last year has been absolutely amazing. The day he stepped into that recruiters office changed his life and gave him a passion and dedication beyond what I thought was possible. I asked him one day if he ever regretting signing over years of his life to the Marine Corps and he said "you know there are days when I hate getting up at 4 am, days when I hate all of the physical training and days where I hate the fact that I can't do whatever I want whenever I want, but you know, as much as I sometimes hate those things - I love the Corps even more and I don't regret my decision for a minute." What a proud Marine Mom I am!

By the way, the recruiters asked me to tell you that they've moved to a new location, in Glenbrook Commons across from Toys R Us and that they're still looking for a few good men and women. Happy Thanksgiving to all of the military families that will celebrate tomorrow with an empty chair at the table. You are certainly not alone!

I HAVE NEVER WATCHED MY NAME IS EARL, BUT I SURE DO BELIEVE IN THE WHOLE KARMA THING.

I REMEMBER BACK IN MY EARLY 20’S WHEN I WAS STRUGGLING WITH MY CAREER, STRUGGLING WITH MY MARRIAGE AND STRUGGLING TO GET ALL OF MY BILLS PAID ON TIME – AND I NEVER SEEM TO GET THAT LAST ONE DONE. THE MORE I STRUGGLED, THE HARDER MY STUGGLES BECAME – UNTIL IT FELT AS IF I WAS JUST DROWNING IN DISPARE.

THEN I GOT SOME NEW CO-WORKER AND WE WERE FORCED TO SPEND AN ENORMOUSE AMOUNT OF TIME TOGETHER. BECAUSE HE WAS JUST A BIT OLDER THAN I WAS AND WE WERE IN THE SAME PHASE OF OUR LIVES WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE WANTED OUR LIVES TO BE. IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED THAT I NEEDED TO MAKE SOME CHANGES IN MY LIFE. MY EX HUSBAND AND I ENDED OUR MARRIAGE, AND BOTH OF US ARE NOW MUCH BETTER FOR IT. I MADE NEW FRIENDS AND ONE OF THEM INTRODUCED ME TO MY PERFECT MATCH, MY COWORKERS STOOD UP WITH AT MY WEDDING AND MY LIFE MADE A COMPLETE TURN AROUND. I OCCASIONALLY HAD TO PINCH MYSELF JUST TO MAKE SURE THE CHANGE IN FATE WAS REAL.

I’VE JUST SEEN THE OLD KARMA THING IN ACTION ONCE AGAIN. FOR THE LONGEST TIME IF SOMETHING COULD GO WRONG IN MY SON’S LIFE IT DID. OF COURSE HE WASN’T ALWAYS – OR EVEN NECESSARILY FREQUENTLY MAKING THE BEST DECISIONS. WE ALL DO DUMB THINGS IN OUR YOUTH – HE JUST GOT CAUGHT – A LOT. NEGATIVITY SEEMED TO FOLLOW HIM, AND HE TOO JUST SEEMED TO DROWN IN IT SOMETIMES. AND THEN HE DECIDED HIS LIFE NEEDED A NEW DIRECTION AND HE AS WE ALL KNOW JOINED THE MARINES. BECAUSE OF THOSE OLD CHOICES HE HAD TO WORK EXTRA HARD TO GET IN AND EVERYTIME HE HAD TO JUMP YET ANOTHER HURDLE I WORRIED THAT THAT OLD KARMA WOULD RETURN. AND THEN HE GOT IN AND LEFT FOR BOOT CAMP AND FOR THOSE FIRST FEW DAYS I WORRIED THAT I’D GET THAT CALL – BUT THEN I DECIDED – NO – I’M JUST GOING TO THINK POSITIVELY – HE WANTED THIS VERY BADLEY AND HE WOULD MAKE IT THROUGH – AND HE DID. THOSE LONG 13 WEEKS THOUGH I WORRIED THAT HIS OPEN CONTRACT WOULD PUT HIM ON THE FRONT LINES – UNTIL WE ARRIVED FOR HIS GRADUATION AND WE LEARNED THAT HE WAS PICKED FOR A VERY DIFFICULT TRAINING SCHOOL AND WOULD NOT BE GOING IN INFANTRY – WOW A LUCKY BREAK – MAYBE. HE’S ALMOST DONE WITH FIRE/RESCUE SCHOOL AND HE’S REALLY ENJOYING IT. I WORRIED THOUGH ABOUT WHERE HE WOULD GO NEXT. HE DIDN’T REALLY WANT TO STAY ON THE EAST OR WEST COAST AS HE JOINED THE SERVICE TO SEE THE WORLD – SO HE ASSUMED THAT LIKE MOST NEW MARINES HE WOULD SPEND 2 YEARS IN JAPAN. HE WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT – AS A MOM THOUGH I WAS NOT. THAT’S SO FAR AWAY AND I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW MUCH IT WOULD COST TO FLY THERE. SO WHEN HIS ORDERS CAME IN IMAGIVE MY THRILL TO LEARN THAT INSTEAD OF JAPAN, MY SON WOULD BE GOING TO HAWAII. OF ALL THE PLACES, HE GETS 2 YEARS ON BASE WITH A BEACH! AND I’VE NEVER BEEN TO HAWAII – YET. LET THIS BE A LESSON – POSITIVE CHOICES BRING POSITIVE EXPERIENCES! OH AND BY THE WAY DIRK – THANKS FOR THOSE EARLIER CONVERSATIONS.