The Crucible

I am an emotional mess. Kind of reminds me of those days when you’re pregnant and hormonal and cry because you ran out of ice cream. The closer I get to Casey’s graduation the more the emotions seem to hit – out of nowhere – everything makes me cry! Last week I was searching desperately on some on line support sites for anyone with a son in my son’s platoon. I just wanted to talk to anyone who might have even heard my son’s name mentioned in the last 12 weeks. It’s like I’m an addict in need of a dose of Casey! I did get a partial dose last night, when I received a call from a minister who’d prayed with Casey earlier in the day. He’d asked the man to call me to tell me that he loved me and that he’s ready for graduation – oh and when I come could I please bring a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew.

We are now just 11 days away from graduation. Today is gas chamber day and tomorrow begins the Crucible. 54 hours of sleep and food deprivation, 40 miles of hiking and 32 team challenges. I know that these will likely be the toughest hours of my son’s entire 18 years of existence. How I wish I could be there with him to encourage him along and reassure him that he can do this - and finally to see him climb that mountain and receive his Eagle, Globe and Anchor – the symbol that means that he is now a Marine.

I’ve found this poem on line – it really says it all. The author is unknown, but I know who she is – she’s a very proud Mom – and I will soon be a part of her sisterhood.

When you awoke this morning to begin the crucible
Did you know I walked every step with you that was possible?
When you humped all those miles over rough terrain,
Did you know I was by your side again?
When your rations were low and your belly was hungry,
Did you know that I wished it wasn't you but instead it was me?
When your feet ached and blistered from stress,
Did you know that I was carrying you deep in my chest?
When you were tired and sore and almost ready to fall,
Did you realize I would have carried it all?
When you had little sleep and your eyes were red,
Did you know I would have given you my bed?
When you had to push and pull for that extra mile,
Did you know that I was so proud and so tall, with such a big smile?

When you went to boot camp, I went to one too,
It's the one where mom's worry over all that you go through.
I couldn't eat dessert, knowing that you had no treats,
I felt guilty for wanting a pedicure, when you had tired feet.
I anguished over ever tough moment, I thought you had
I cried when I missed you, I cried when I was sad
I cried over your letters that declared your love for "Mom"
I cried over thinking about the day you would come home.
I cringed if I thought someone was yelling at you
Even though I knew it's what they had to do.
I lost sleep just wondering how you are
I prayed and thought and even wished upon a star.

Now you’re almost through and soon you will be
One of The Few The Proud, a New MARINE
I get an Honor too for going through the boot camp for Mom's
I get to hug you and hold you in my arms
I get to see how handsome you really are
I get my bright shining star
No I don't get a medal or a pin to wear
I don't get to sport that awesome Marine Hair
My reward is one that can't be seen
It's called "Being the Mom of a U.S. Marine."