I find myself these days often thinking back to Thanksgiving 19 years ago. I was pregnant then which allowed me to eat all I wanted to without guilt - it was a good year! 3 days later Casey arrived. Since that year his birthday and Thanksgiving have intersected several times as it will again this year.
I'm not so sure this will be as good of a year. It will be the first time I will sit down for Thanksgiving dinner without Casey at the table and the first time that I won't get to celebrate his birthday with him. I am glad that he won't be alone on this day though. His father is flying out today to San Angelo and they'll be having dinner with several of the other Marines still on base.
It still felt strange though to not celebrate his birthday with someone - so yesterday I grabbed a box of Cookie Cottage cookies and headed over to the Marine Corps Recruiting Office. When I first walked in the door I told them I could really be mad at them for making me spend the holiday without my son, but I decide to thank them instead. I thanked them for helping my son to become the man I always knew he could be.
Even during the most challenging days with Casey there was always that little glimmer of the amazing person inside him. And that was what kept me going sometimes. In the last 6 months I have watched that glimmer emerge. It is now a bright and shinning beacon and I couldn't be more proud. The transformation Casey has made in the last year has been absolutely amazing. The day he stepped into that recruiters office changed his life and gave him a passion and dedication beyond what I thought was possible. I asked him one day if he ever regretting signing over years of his life to the Marine Corps and he said "you know there are days when I hate getting up at 4 am, days when I hate all of the physical training and days where I hate the fact that I can't do whatever I want whenever I want, but you know, as much as I sometimes hate those things - I love the Corps even more and I don't regret my decision for a minute." What a proud Marine Mom I am!
By the way, the recruiters asked me to tell you that they've moved to a new location, in Glenbrook Commons across from Toys R Us and that they're still looking for a few good men and women. Happy Thanksgiving to all of the military families that will celebrate tomorrow with an empty chair at the table. You are certainly not alone!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I HAVE NEVER WATCHED MY NAME IS EARL, BUT I SURE DO BELIEVE IN THE WHOLE KARMA THING.
I REMEMBER BACK IN MY EARLY 20’S WHEN I WAS STRUGGLING WITH MY CAREER, STRUGGLING WITH MY MARRIAGE AND STRUGGLING TO GET ALL OF MY BILLS PAID ON TIME – AND I NEVER SEEM TO GET THAT LAST ONE DONE. THE MORE I STRUGGLED, THE HARDER MY STUGGLES BECAME – UNTIL IT FELT AS IF I WAS JUST DROWNING IN DISPARE.
THEN I GOT SOME NEW CO-WORKER AND WE WERE FORCED TO SPEND AN ENORMOUSE AMOUNT OF TIME TOGETHER. BECAUSE HE WAS JUST A BIT OLDER THAN I WAS AND WE WERE IN THE SAME PHASE OF OUR LIVES WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE WANTED OUR LIVES TO BE. IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED THAT I NEEDED TO MAKE SOME CHANGES IN MY LIFE. MY EX HUSBAND AND I ENDED OUR MARRIAGE, AND BOTH OF US ARE NOW MUCH BETTER FOR IT. I MADE NEW FRIENDS AND ONE OF THEM INTRODUCED ME TO MY PERFECT MATCH, MY COWORKERS STOOD UP WITH AT MY WEDDING AND MY LIFE MADE A COMPLETE TURN AROUND. I OCCASIONALLY HAD TO PINCH MYSELF JUST TO MAKE SURE THE CHANGE IN FATE WAS REAL.
I’VE JUST SEEN THE OLD KARMA THING IN ACTION ONCE AGAIN. FOR THE LONGEST TIME IF SOMETHING COULD GO WRONG IN MY SON’S LIFE IT DID. OF COURSE HE WASN’T ALWAYS – OR EVEN NECESSARILY FREQUENTLY MAKING THE BEST DECISIONS. WE ALL DO DUMB THINGS IN OUR YOUTH – HE JUST GOT CAUGHT – A LOT. NEGATIVITY SEEMED TO FOLLOW HIM, AND HE TOO JUST SEEMED TO DROWN IN IT SOMETIMES. AND THEN HE DECIDED HIS LIFE NEEDED A NEW DIRECTION AND HE AS WE ALL KNOW JOINED THE MARINES. BECAUSE OF THOSE OLD CHOICES HE HAD TO WORK EXTRA HARD TO GET IN AND EVERYTIME HE HAD TO JUMP YET ANOTHER HURDLE I WORRIED THAT THAT OLD KARMA WOULD RETURN. AND THEN HE GOT IN AND LEFT FOR BOOT CAMP AND FOR THOSE FIRST FEW DAYS I WORRIED THAT I’D GET THAT CALL – BUT THEN I DECIDED – NO – I’M JUST GOING TO THINK POSITIVELY – HE WANTED THIS VERY BADLEY AND HE WOULD MAKE IT THROUGH – AND HE DID. THOSE LONG 13 WEEKS THOUGH I WORRIED THAT HIS OPEN CONTRACT WOULD PUT HIM ON THE FRONT LINES – UNTIL WE ARRIVED FOR HIS GRADUATION AND WE LEARNED THAT HE WAS PICKED FOR A VERY DIFFICULT TRAINING SCHOOL AND WOULD NOT BE GOING IN INFANTRY – WOW A LUCKY BREAK – MAYBE. HE’S ALMOST DONE WITH FIRE/RESCUE SCHOOL AND HE’S REALLY ENJOYING IT. I WORRIED THOUGH ABOUT WHERE HE WOULD GO NEXT. HE DIDN’T REALLY WANT TO STAY ON THE EAST OR WEST COAST AS HE JOINED THE SERVICE TO SEE THE WORLD – SO HE ASSUMED THAT LIKE MOST NEW MARINES HE WOULD SPEND 2 YEARS IN JAPAN. HE WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT – AS A MOM THOUGH I WAS NOT. THAT’S SO FAR AWAY AND I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW MUCH IT WOULD COST TO FLY THERE. SO WHEN HIS ORDERS CAME IN IMAGIVE MY THRILL TO LEARN THAT INSTEAD OF JAPAN, MY SON WOULD BE GOING TO HAWAII. OF ALL THE PLACES, HE GETS 2 YEARS ON BASE WITH A BEACH! AND I’VE NEVER BEEN TO HAWAII – YET. LET THIS BE A LESSON – POSITIVE CHOICES BRING POSITIVE EXPERIENCES! OH AND BY THE WAY DIRK – THANKS FOR THOSE EARLIER CONVERSATIONS.
I REMEMBER BACK IN MY EARLY 20’S WHEN I WAS STRUGGLING WITH MY CAREER, STRUGGLING WITH MY MARRIAGE AND STRUGGLING TO GET ALL OF MY BILLS PAID ON TIME – AND I NEVER SEEM TO GET THAT LAST ONE DONE. THE MORE I STRUGGLED, THE HARDER MY STUGGLES BECAME – UNTIL IT FELT AS IF I WAS JUST DROWNING IN DISPARE.
THEN I GOT SOME NEW CO-WORKER AND WE WERE FORCED TO SPEND AN ENORMOUSE AMOUNT OF TIME TOGETHER. BECAUSE HE WAS JUST A BIT OLDER THAN I WAS AND WE WERE IN THE SAME PHASE OF OUR LIVES WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE WANTED OUR LIVES TO BE. IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED THAT I NEEDED TO MAKE SOME CHANGES IN MY LIFE. MY EX HUSBAND AND I ENDED OUR MARRIAGE, AND BOTH OF US ARE NOW MUCH BETTER FOR IT. I MADE NEW FRIENDS AND ONE OF THEM INTRODUCED ME TO MY PERFECT MATCH, MY COWORKERS STOOD UP WITH AT MY WEDDING AND MY LIFE MADE A COMPLETE TURN AROUND. I OCCASIONALLY HAD TO PINCH MYSELF JUST TO MAKE SURE THE CHANGE IN FATE WAS REAL.
I’VE JUST SEEN THE OLD KARMA THING IN ACTION ONCE AGAIN. FOR THE LONGEST TIME IF SOMETHING COULD GO WRONG IN MY SON’S LIFE IT DID. OF COURSE HE WASN’T ALWAYS – OR EVEN NECESSARILY FREQUENTLY MAKING THE BEST DECISIONS. WE ALL DO DUMB THINGS IN OUR YOUTH – HE JUST GOT CAUGHT – A LOT. NEGATIVITY SEEMED TO FOLLOW HIM, AND HE TOO JUST SEEMED TO DROWN IN IT SOMETIMES. AND THEN HE DECIDED HIS LIFE NEEDED A NEW DIRECTION AND HE AS WE ALL KNOW JOINED THE MARINES. BECAUSE OF THOSE OLD CHOICES HE HAD TO WORK EXTRA HARD TO GET IN AND EVERYTIME HE HAD TO JUMP YET ANOTHER HURDLE I WORRIED THAT THAT OLD KARMA WOULD RETURN. AND THEN HE GOT IN AND LEFT FOR BOOT CAMP AND FOR THOSE FIRST FEW DAYS I WORRIED THAT I’D GET THAT CALL – BUT THEN I DECIDED – NO – I’M JUST GOING TO THINK POSITIVELY – HE WANTED THIS VERY BADLEY AND HE WOULD MAKE IT THROUGH – AND HE DID. THOSE LONG 13 WEEKS THOUGH I WORRIED THAT HIS OPEN CONTRACT WOULD PUT HIM ON THE FRONT LINES – UNTIL WE ARRIVED FOR HIS GRADUATION AND WE LEARNED THAT HE WAS PICKED FOR A VERY DIFFICULT TRAINING SCHOOL AND WOULD NOT BE GOING IN INFANTRY – WOW A LUCKY BREAK – MAYBE. HE’S ALMOST DONE WITH FIRE/RESCUE SCHOOL AND HE’S REALLY ENJOYING IT. I WORRIED THOUGH ABOUT WHERE HE WOULD GO NEXT. HE DIDN’T REALLY WANT TO STAY ON THE EAST OR WEST COAST AS HE JOINED THE SERVICE TO SEE THE WORLD – SO HE ASSUMED THAT LIKE MOST NEW MARINES HE WOULD SPEND 2 YEARS IN JAPAN. HE WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT – AS A MOM THOUGH I WAS NOT. THAT’S SO FAR AWAY AND I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW MUCH IT WOULD COST TO FLY THERE. SO WHEN HIS ORDERS CAME IN IMAGIVE MY THRILL TO LEARN THAT INSTEAD OF JAPAN, MY SON WOULD BE GOING TO HAWAII. OF ALL THE PLACES, HE GETS 2 YEARS ON BASE WITH A BEACH! AND I’VE NEVER BEEN TO HAWAII – YET. LET THIS BE A LESSON – POSITIVE CHOICES BRING POSITIVE EXPERIENCES! OH AND BY THE WAY DIRK – THANKS FOR THOSE EARLIER CONVERSATIONS.
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